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Ok here's the deal. For various reasons I'm making this journal 99% friends-only. Please though, if you have any desire to be added, just reply to this post telling me why you want to be added, and I will 99% for sure add you.
August 3rd, 2016
September 16th, 2009
Wow. Apparently I am still deeply, deeply insecure. Please pray for me. I'm not doing anything bad/dangerous, but I feel yucky about me :(.
August 28th, 2009
I respond to stress by losing my appetite. It happens that way. SEE: Moving to college for the first time.
And now...I'm starting over, completely, again for the first time in 5 years. And my old/new (as opposed to current) roommate is bite-sized. And was just going on yesterday about how she's been sick and not able to eat and has dropped 10 pounds.
I'm not really sure how this is going to work out. I am already feeling really, really insecure.
And now...I'm starting over, completely, again for the first time in 5 years. And my old/new (as opposed to current) roommate is bite-sized. And was just going on yesterday about how she's been sick and not able to eat and has dropped 10 pounds.
I'm not really sure how this is going to work out. I am already feeling really, really insecure.
August 25th, 2009
After months of feeling stifled under the weight of my job...after months of feeling not good enough at my job, waiting for the littlest bit of praise as validation that I wasn't irrevocably messing up people's lives...after going through a funk that I couldn't figure out...
I'm back. I am BACK. I feel and recognize God in my life again and actually have the desire to talk about Him. I've started reading the Bible as part of my prayer routine again. I've started being genuinely positive again, rather than forcing it.
I'm changed, I'm not who I used to be, and I think figuring out this whole student thing might start to get rough. But for now...I'm back :-D.
Please pray for me, though, that I find a part time job soon! I'm getting nervous about that part.
I'm back. I am BACK. I feel and recognize God in my life again and actually have the desire to talk about Him. I've started reading the Bible as part of my prayer routine again. I've started being genuinely positive again, rather than forcing it.
I'm changed, I'm not who I used to be, and I think figuring out this whole student thing might start to get rough. But for now...I'm back :-D.
Please pray for me, though, that I find a part time job soon! I'm getting nervous about that part.
July 12th, 2009
Lord, make me an instrument of Thy peace;
where there is hatred, let me sow love;
where there is injury, pardon;
where there is doubt, faith;
where there is despair, hope;
where there is darkness, light;
and where there is sadness, joy.
O Divine Master,
grant that I may not so much seek to be consoled as to console;
to be understood, as to understand;
to be loved, as to love;
for it is in giving that we receive,
it is in pardoning that we are pardoned,
and it is in dying that we are born to Eternal Life.
Amen.
(This is a beautiful version of this song sung by Sarah MacLachlan)
Work...or rather its effects...have been a little difficult lately. I'm trying to make a difference with people who can be resistant and sometimes I really question whether I'm doing more harm than good. It's important to remember that I'm an instrument of God, and that sometimes He's using me even when I don't feel like it.
Anyway, I just liked this meditation. And I think that it might be time for me to start allowing someone else to be an instrument of God's peace to me, too :). It will be good for me to swallow my pride.
where there is hatred, let me sow love;
where there is injury, pardon;
where there is doubt, faith;
where there is despair, hope;
where there is darkness, light;
and where there is sadness, joy.
O Divine Master,
grant that I may not so much seek to be consoled as to console;
to be understood, as to understand;
to be loved, as to love;
for it is in giving that we receive,
it is in pardoning that we are pardoned,
and it is in dying that we are born to Eternal Life.
Amen.
(This is a beautiful version of this song sung by Sarah MacLachlan)
Work...or rather its effects...have been a little difficult lately. I'm trying to make a difference with people who can be resistant and sometimes I really question whether I'm doing more harm than good. It's important to remember that I'm an instrument of God, and that sometimes He's using me even when I don't feel like it.
Anyway, I just liked this meditation. And I think that it might be time for me to start allowing someone else to be an instrument of God's peace to me, too :). It will be good for me to swallow my pride.
July 9th, 2009
I GOT INTO GRAD SCHOOL!!!!!!!
Please pray that I use my education to the glory of God!
Please pray that I use my education to the glory of God!
July 1st, 2009
Beautiful weather+low-key day at work=Megan is back to her regularly scheduled program :)
JOY!
JOY!
June 30th, 2009
Today at work, I got a card in the mail. Surprising, nobody sends cards to caseworkers.
It was a simple, beautiful thank you card, no return address. I opened it up and the first phrase it said inside:
"Thank you for being a lady when I so clearly was not."
It was from that woman who called me a you-know-what and threatened me last week. I have never received such a complete, sincere, and humble apology. She did not make excuses for her behavior, simply apologized profusely, said she felt horrible and knew she was in the wrong, said it was not my fault, and asked for forgiveness. She also sent back the business card I gave her with my supervisor's name on the back, and she wrote "I don't need this as I have no need to call your supervisor."
If I had more emotional energy, I think I would have started sobbing right then, and still be sobbing now, 4 hours later.
In other news, I got so little sleep last night. I stayed up a little too late talking on the phone (suddenly I'm 16 again...), and then woke up at 3am, my left eye swollen so much that I could barely open it. So I freaked out and went into the bathroom and looked at it, and it was all...ohhh sorry those of you with weak stomachs...gunky. So I got out my saline solution and cleaned it out, but was still freaking out!! I put some ice on it and that did make the swelling go down, but I was so freaked out I called the urgent care clinic by my apartment just to check on their hours in case I needed to go in the morning.
I kept waking up to adjust the ice, and when I finally went to sleep...I slept through my alarm. Thankfully, my supe is pretty understanding about such things, I just worked through my lunch break today.
Which means I didn't eat until just now, but I did have a coffee earlier on, which was dumb, because coffee on an empty stomach just makes me want to cry and cry. And even other than the card, it was a very emotional day.
I feel like a drain on everyone I talk to right now so I'm going to cut this off, and post something when I'm back to myself again...I'm too naturally happy to be doing this crap.
It was a simple, beautiful thank you card, no return address. I opened it up and the first phrase it said inside:
"Thank you for being a lady when I so clearly was not."
It was from that woman who called me a you-know-what and threatened me last week. I have never received such a complete, sincere, and humble apology. She did not make excuses for her behavior, simply apologized profusely, said she felt horrible and knew she was in the wrong, said it was not my fault, and asked for forgiveness. She also sent back the business card I gave her with my supervisor's name on the back, and she wrote "I don't need this as I have no need to call your supervisor."
If I had more emotional energy, I think I would have started sobbing right then, and still be sobbing now, 4 hours later.
In other news, I got so little sleep last night. I stayed up a little too late talking on the phone (suddenly I'm 16 again...), and then woke up at 3am, my left eye swollen so much that I could barely open it. So I freaked out and went into the bathroom and looked at it, and it was all...ohhh sorry those of you with weak stomachs...gunky. So I got out my saline solution and cleaned it out, but was still freaking out!! I put some ice on it and that did make the swelling go down, but I was so freaked out I called the urgent care clinic by my apartment just to check on their hours in case I needed to go in the morning.
I kept waking up to adjust the ice, and when I finally went to sleep...I slept through my alarm. Thankfully, my supe is pretty understanding about such things, I just worked through my lunch break today.
Which means I didn't eat until just now, but I did have a coffee earlier on, which was dumb, because coffee on an empty stomach just makes me want to cry and cry. And even other than the card, it was a very emotional day.
I feel like a drain on everyone I talk to right now so I'm going to cut this off, and post something when I'm back to myself again...I'm too naturally happy to be doing this crap.
June 10th, 2009
This year, for the third year in a row, I applied to the Master's of Social Work program at Portland State University. The past two years I received my rejection letter by the end of April. This year it didn't come. I felt pretty dejected about it honestly, and didn't even bother to investigate why. I figured that either I was a dumbass and sent my application to the wrong address, or they were just like "when are you gonna get the hint, we don't want you!!" (mostly joking about that last option ;)).
As a few of you know, I was very scared last fall that my job was in jeopardy. I was kind of on my last legs at one point...I kind of just wasn't "getting it." My supervisor told me that he'd work with me as much as possible, but that I should also consider what other kind of job I would do if this didn't work out. I spent so many nights lying awake. I didn't know what else I would do. My heart is in the social work/human services field. I felt pretty low about myself and also a little frustrated; I felt set up for failure in my job in a lot of ways.
Well, I fought my way back, and kept my job. And when I transferred out of the new worker unit, my old supervisor had a surprising amount of good things to say about my casework.
Still, shaking the old stuff has been difficult. And not hearing back from PSU...part of me wondered if I just didn't have what it takes.
Well, yesterday I got a letter from them dated June 5th. I thought, wow, I guess I was a bottom priority for notifying of rejection. Instead, I got something I've never received from them before. It reads:
Dear Megan,
Thank you for your application to Portland State University.
At this time, your application is incomplete. The following item(s) will be required before an admission decision can be made. If you have recently submitted these items, please allow three weeks for processing.
Measles Vaccination Form
If these have not been submitted, please send them as soon as possible. If your file is not completed, your application may be cancelled or result in delays affecting registration, financial aid, and/or housing.
Your file and application records are assigned a Portland State University identification number of *********. This ID will be used on all PSU Admissions, Registration corresponding with PSU or when accessing your records electronically.
If you have any questions about your application for admission, please contact us at (blah blah blah) or toll free in the U.S. at (blah blah blah), or by email at (blah blah blah).
Best wishes for your academic success,
Agnes A. Hoffman
Associate Vice Provost for Enrollment Management & Student Affairs
MURAOKA
So now I'm going crazy! Does this mean that their decision rests on whether or not I'm all vaccinated? Cause I am!! Or does it just mean that they can't make a decision one way or the other until they know??? AHHHHHHHH!! And to top it off, I have no idea what MURAOKA means.
!!!
As a few of you know, I was very scared last fall that my job was in jeopardy. I was kind of on my last legs at one point...I kind of just wasn't "getting it." My supervisor told me that he'd work with me as much as possible, but that I should also consider what other kind of job I would do if this didn't work out. I spent so many nights lying awake. I didn't know what else I would do. My heart is in the social work/human services field. I felt pretty low about myself and also a little frustrated; I felt set up for failure in my job in a lot of ways.
Well, I fought my way back, and kept my job. And when I transferred out of the new worker unit, my old supervisor had a surprising amount of good things to say about my casework.
Still, shaking the old stuff has been difficult. And not hearing back from PSU...part of me wondered if I just didn't have what it takes.
Well, yesterday I got a letter from them dated June 5th. I thought, wow, I guess I was a bottom priority for notifying of rejection. Instead, I got something I've never received from them before. It reads:
Dear Megan,
Thank you for your application to Portland State University.
At this time, your application is incomplete. The following item(s) will be required before an admission decision can be made. If you have recently submitted these items, please allow three weeks for processing.
Measles Vaccination Form
If these have not been submitted, please send them as soon as possible. If your file is not completed, your application may be cancelled or result in delays affecting registration, financial aid, and/or housing.
Your file and application records are assigned a Portland State University identification number of *********. This ID will be used on all PSU Admissions, Registration corresponding with PSU or when accessing your records electronically.
If you have any questions about your application for admission, please contact us at (blah blah blah) or toll free in the U.S. at (blah blah blah), or by email at (blah blah blah).
Best wishes for your academic success,
Agnes A. Hoffman
Associate Vice Provost for Enrollment Management & Student Affairs
MURAOKA
So now I'm going crazy! Does this mean that their decision rests on whether or not I'm all vaccinated? Cause I am!! Or does it just mean that they can't make a decision one way or the other until they know??? AHHHHHHHH!! And to top it off, I have no idea what MURAOKA means.
!!!
May 25th, 2009
"Someone needs to inform Mapquest that the road to Omaha runs through Corvallis."
- Scout.com
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO...........SSSSS
OREGON STATE! FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT!!
Go Beavs!
- Scout.com
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO...........SSSSS
OREGON STATE! FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT!!
Go Beavs!
April 19th, 2009
My 8-year-old cousin Nick broke both of his arms in a playground accident a couple weeks ago, and I went to go see him the day after.
Because I am an OSU alumna, and both my brothers are current OSU students, and because Nick and his brother and sister love hanging out with us (we're the cool young adults in our 20's...), they have become dedicated Beaver fans!
So the first thing Nick said to me when he saw me that day was "Guess what Megan, I'm going to get one orange cast and one black one!"
I love that kid.
So I went to see him again last night and sure enough...one orange cast, one black one...that kid is awesome! (see link below, me with Nick, remember he's only 8, and I'm not *that* short...hmmm...maybe a future offensive guard for the Beavs??)
http://tinypic.com/view.php?pic=2a0
Because I am an OSU alumna, and both my brothers are current OSU students, and because Nick and his brother and sister love hanging out with us (we're the cool young adults in our 20's...), they have become dedicated Beaver fans!
So the first thing Nick said to me when he saw me that day was "Guess what Megan, I'm going to get one orange cast and one black one!"
I love that kid.
So I went to see him again last night and sure enough...one orange cast, one black one...that kid is awesome! (see link below, me with Nick, remember he's only 8, and I'm not *that* short...hmmm...maybe a future offensive guard for the Beavs??)
http://tinypic.com/view.php?pic=2a0
April 14th, 2009
I was so unique
Now I feel skin deep
I count on the make-up to cover it all
Crying myself to sleep cause I cannot keep their attention
I thought I could be strong
But it's killing me
Does someone hear my cry?
I'm dying for new life
[Chorus]
I want to be beautiful
Make you stand in awe
Look inside my heart,
and be amazed
I want to hear you say
Who I am is quite enough
Just want to be worthy of love
And beautiful
Sometimes I wish I was someone other than me
Fighting to make the mirror happy
Trying to find whatever is missing
Won't you help me back to glory
[Chorus]
You make me beautiful
You make me stand in awe
You step inside my heart, and I am amazed
I love to hear You say
Who I am is quite enough
You make me worthy of love and beautiful
Now I feel skin deep
I count on the make-up to cover it all
Crying myself to sleep cause I cannot keep their attention
I thought I could be strong
But it's killing me
Does someone hear my cry?
I'm dying for new life
[Chorus]
I want to be beautiful
Make you stand in awe
Look inside my heart,
and be amazed
I want to hear you say
Who I am is quite enough
Just want to be worthy of love
And beautiful
Sometimes I wish I was someone other than me
Fighting to make the mirror happy
Trying to find whatever is missing
Won't you help me back to glory
[Chorus]
You make me beautiful
You make me stand in awe
You step inside my heart, and I am amazed
I love to hear You say
Who I am is quite enough
You make me worthy of love and beautiful
March 21st, 2009
I had a birthday party last night, and a lot of people came :). I was thrilled! It started out with dinner at Nearly Normal's (a vegetarian food restaurant...SOOO good! http://www.nearlynormals.com), then board games at my place, then out to the bars for awhile.
Steven sat next to my friend Ben at dinner, which I was so excited about, cause they got along GREAT and I've been telling Ben for YEARS that he and my brother are so much alike, and have the same sense of humor, so it was fun seeing that in action.
Back at my place, there were 13 people squeezed into my little living room. We played the "who what when where why" game, which is where everyone gets a slip of paper and a writing utensil. Then everyone starts out by writing a "who" at the top of their paper...a person that everyone in the room would know. Then everyone passes their paper along after having folded it for secrecy, and everyone writes a "what" or what the person did. It gets passed along again, and then everyone writes a "when" it happened, then a "where" it happened and finally a "why". The results are always hilarious and the best one of the night was "Your mom ate and entire pie before on Megan's bed to prove he was a man." I had to read that one and was wiping tears away when I had to read it outloud cause I was laughing so hard.
Then we went out to the bar, which was fun aaaand....I decided to give myself a one-night break from Lent, since I haven't been taking breaks on Sundays and because we were celebrating my birthday and there is literally no scenario in which my birthday would NOT fall during Lent, so I usually give myself a break to celebrate my birthday. So I had A drink. It was a fairly strong one, but my tolerance has gone DOWN in the last month and a half...I wasn't DRUNK drunk by any means, just a little more, uh, talkative. It was fun!!
This morning I woke up and took a walk. I walked through a couple parks right by my house, one is a wetlands where you can walk along a boardwalk. I was talking on the phone, and playing with my keys which are on a long lanyard...aaaand it slipped out of my hands....aaaand plop...right into the water. So I felt like a dork when I laid down on my stomach on the boardwalk to fish my keys out of the water :) Luckily it wasn't very deep so although the keys sunk to the bottom, the lanyard was floating right on top. I got up and continued walking for a little bit, when out of nowhere, this ADORABLE golden puppy came flying out of nowhere at me and just leapt into my arms!! Oh my gosh I almost cried because it was sooooo sweet!! It totally made my day.
Then I went over to Will's house to have a Seinfeld marathon with Will, Caitlin, and Ben. I ended up falling asleep toward the end but it was super fun.
And tonight I'm going to sushi and then on a walk to the covered bridge. Not a bad day, all in all.
Steven sat next to my friend Ben at dinner, which I was so excited about, cause they got along GREAT and I've been telling Ben for YEARS that he and my brother are so much alike, and have the same sense of humor, so it was fun seeing that in action.
Back at my place, there were 13 people squeezed into my little living room. We played the "who what when where why" game, which is where everyone gets a slip of paper and a writing utensil. Then everyone starts out by writing a "who" at the top of their paper...a person that everyone in the room would know. Then everyone passes their paper along after having folded it for secrecy, and everyone writes a "what" or what the person did. It gets passed along again, and then everyone writes a "when" it happened, then a "where" it happened and finally a "why". The results are always hilarious and the best one of the night was "Your mom ate and entire pie before on Megan's bed to prove he was a man." I had to read that one and was wiping tears away when I had to read it outloud cause I was laughing so hard.
Then we went out to the bar, which was fun aaaand....I decided to give myself a one-night break from Lent, since I haven't been taking breaks on Sundays and because we were celebrating my birthday and there is literally no scenario in which my birthday would NOT fall during Lent, so I usually give myself a break to celebrate my birthday. So I had A drink. It was a fairly strong one, but my tolerance has gone DOWN in the last month and a half...I wasn't DRUNK drunk by any means, just a little more, uh, talkative. It was fun!!
This morning I woke up and took a walk. I walked through a couple parks right by my house, one is a wetlands where you can walk along a boardwalk. I was talking on the phone, and playing with my keys which are on a long lanyard...aaaand it slipped out of my hands....aaaand plop...right into the water. So I felt like a dork when I laid down on my stomach on the boardwalk to fish my keys out of the water :) Luckily it wasn't very deep so although the keys sunk to the bottom, the lanyard was floating right on top. I got up and continued walking for a little bit, when out of nowhere, this ADORABLE golden puppy came flying out of nowhere at me and just leapt into my arms!! Oh my gosh I almost cried because it was sooooo sweet!! It totally made my day.
Then I went over to Will's house to have a Seinfeld marathon with Will, Caitlin, and Ben. I ended up falling asleep toward the end but it was super fun.
And tonight I'm going to sushi and then on a walk to the covered bridge. Not a bad day, all in all.
March 7th, 2009
The number 134 is nothing to freak out about.
It's not.
So this is me, not freaking out.
It's not.
So this is me, not freaking out.
March 5th, 2009
Life is so much joy, and it's so exciting, but I see so much pain monday through friday, that friday night until early monday morning never feels like it's long enough to deal with it...
i want to go running down the side of a hill and scream and laugh and release everything I've felt over the past few months.
i want to go on vacation and lay in the sun
i want to feel happy with my body...but i don't cause then i won't be motivated to make it better
i want to dedicate my life to God all over again
i want to spend all my time with my friends
i want to spend all my time with my family
i want to get in really good shape again
i want to get a dog
i want to leave corvallis for new adventures!
but i never want to leave corvallis
i want to fall in love, i never have before
but then again, that's super scary
i want to go to grad school and just be a counselor!! i've so had enough of people being ridiculous to their kids and wanting me to fix it!!
my heart feels full and that's a good thing...but good lord am i ready for the weekend.
i want to go running down the side of a hill and scream and laugh and release everything I've felt over the past few months.
i want to go on vacation and lay in the sun
i want to feel happy with my body...but i don't cause then i won't be motivated to make it better
i want to dedicate my life to God all over again
i want to spend all my time with my friends
i want to spend all my time with my family
i want to get in really good shape again
i want to get a dog
i want to leave corvallis for new adventures!
but i never want to leave corvallis
i want to fall in love, i never have before
but then again, that's super scary
i want to go to grad school and just be a counselor!! i've so had enough of people being ridiculous to their kids and wanting me to fix it!!
my heart feels full and that's a good thing...but good lord am i ready for the weekend.
March 2nd, 2009
I don't want to wake up anymore with racing thoughts about my job. Especially not on a Sunday. I am so tired of caring, especially about one particular family who I thought I was transferring to another worker on Friday but it didn't happen...it will happen yet though...
I know that I haven't worked particularly well with this family. I really do not think I was a good match as a caseworker for them. But because of several circumstances, this particular family has taken up a lot of my time, so I've spent a lot of time with the little girls and I just so badly want to see them succeed. On the other hand, I really don't want to care anymore. No other case has made me this sleepless. It's truly maddening. I want them to get another caseworker, one who jives more with the family. I want those girls to go home but I don't know how best to help their parent accomplish it well. I hate not knowing how to help. Hate it.
I went out to dinner with Caitlin tonight, which was immensely helpful, but I think we were both in sucky moods to start out with. Definitely being with friends lifts my mood, so it did help significantly, but then an ex walked into the bar. I hate how I react when I see him. It had been so long since I'd seen him, I was so sure he was gone from Corvallis. I never even had that strong of feelings for him quite honestly and I don't know why it shakes me up so badly when I see him, except that at least my perception of what happened is that he treated me pretty badly and took advantage of the fact that I was already in one of my more difficult periods of my life. (trust me, I've been ten rounds with myself over this one...If I'm not actually around him, I am so indifferent, so over it, I REALLY don't know why I feel so shaken when I see him.) Anyway, regardless of the reason, it does tend to shake me up. I blamed it on being cold, but my hands started shaking uncontrollably as I was trying to maintain a conversation with Caitlin. He was standing at the bar so close to our table...after about 5 minutes he walked out. I'm just glad he didn't acknowledge me. I just really never want to interact with him. I feel like such a b* writing all this. I'm not saying I was perfect or I did everything right, and I know I wasn't...fully...me during that period of my life, but some things he said and did are pretty damaging...still. I wish him no malice I just don't want anything to do with him.
So I'm a little edgy right now but I really need to fall back asleep.
I guess I really need to practice what I preach. I know where my strength is:
I am still confident of this:
I will see the goodness of the LORD
in the land of the living.
Wait for the LORD;
be strong and take heart
and wait for the LORD. (Psalm 27:13-14)
I know that I haven't worked particularly well with this family. I really do not think I was a good match as a caseworker for them. But because of several circumstances, this particular family has taken up a lot of my time, so I've spent a lot of time with the little girls and I just so badly want to see them succeed. On the other hand, I really don't want to care anymore. No other case has made me this sleepless. It's truly maddening. I want them to get another caseworker, one who jives more with the family. I want those girls to go home but I don't know how best to help their parent accomplish it well. I hate not knowing how to help. Hate it.
I went out to dinner with Caitlin tonight, which was immensely helpful, but I think we were both in sucky moods to start out with. Definitely being with friends lifts my mood, so it did help significantly, but then an ex walked into the bar. I hate how I react when I see him. It had been so long since I'd seen him, I was so sure he was gone from Corvallis. I never even had that strong of feelings for him quite honestly and I don't know why it shakes me up so badly when I see him, except that at least my perception of what happened is that he treated me pretty badly and took advantage of the fact that I was already in one of my more difficult periods of my life. (trust me, I've been ten rounds with myself over this one...If I'm not actually around him, I am so indifferent, so over it, I REALLY don't know why I feel so shaken when I see him.) Anyway, regardless of the reason, it does tend to shake me up. I blamed it on being cold, but my hands started shaking uncontrollably as I was trying to maintain a conversation with Caitlin. He was standing at the bar so close to our table...after about 5 minutes he walked out. I'm just glad he didn't acknowledge me. I just really never want to interact with him. I feel like such a b* writing all this. I'm not saying I was perfect or I did everything right, and I know I wasn't...fully...me during that period of my life, but some things he said and did are pretty damaging...still. I wish him no malice I just don't want anything to do with him.
So I'm a little edgy right now but I really need to fall back asleep.
I guess I really need to practice what I preach. I know where my strength is:
I am still confident of this:
I will see the goodness of the LORD
in the land of the living.
Wait for the LORD;
be strong and take heart
and wait for the LORD. (Psalm 27:13-14)
February 14th, 2009
i LOOOOOVE Valentine's day!! (not sarcastic in the least...)
I love being loved, I can't deny it, and I am loved a LOT!! It's really helpful to me to have a day to remind myself that even when life (work) seems a little tough, I have so much going for me. And nothing is greater in my life than all the love I have received.
THANK YOU SO MUCH TO ALL MY BELOVED!!
I love being loved, I can't deny it, and I am loved a LOT!! It's really helpful to me to have a day to remind myself that even when life (work) seems a little tough, I have so much going for me. And nothing is greater in my life than all the love I have received.
THANK YOU SO MUCH TO ALL MY BELOVED!!
February 8th, 2009
I don't like this funk I'm in! I'm annoyed by my own bad attitude, but I feel like I'm running out of willpower.
This is just proof of how important it is to remain edified by the Holy Spirit. We don't have enough willpower to make it through everything alone in our lives.
So I'm going to go pray.
This is just proof of how important it is to remain edified by the Holy Spirit. We don't have enough willpower to make it through everything alone in our lives.
So I'm going to go pray.
February 3rd, 2009
Post 25 facts/ideas about yourself!
1. My Catholic faith is so responsible for the good parts of who I am. I have a rebellious spirit that wants to try everything and live my life for me and not give a damn about anything or anyone else, live life for having fun, for the next high...My love for God, which my parents instilled in me at a young age, has held me to the ground. Or, I should say, His love for me has held me to the ground. He puts his rules there for a reason, it's to protect us.
2. Although I am very protective of my younger brothers, I often think that I do not have an oldest-child personality (driven and accomplished).
3. A few years ago, I started really getting into college football. This year after college football season was over, I got bored and I'm starting to pay a little more attention to a few other sports...I have a feeling it's going to get worse from here, as now I occasionally listen to sports talk radio.
4. I am quite feminine and in no way feel like #3 compromises my femininity.
5. By choice, I am almost 25 and a virgin, and it will stay that way until the day I get married...and I resent the small town notion that I should be married by now. I have more fun than I think most people do!
6. My dad is the best person at calming me down when I get anxious. I think he gets it.
7. I went to college in Corvallis and haven't been able to move away. Ok, ok, I don't want to move away! I really think it's a great town.
8. When my dad's side of the family gets together, there are 55 people, and in May, 19 of those will be young children.
9. When my mom's side of the family gets together, there are 10 people, and the youngest is my brother Danny who is 19 years old.
10. Last night I went to mass at the Oregon State Newman Center, and sat by both my brothers and their girlfriends. I secretly thought we were pretty cool for all either being Vandecoeverings or highly connected to one.
11. My best friend is my cousin, and I agree with my old roommate Kelsey, being family doesn't disqualify you from being best friends!!
12. I may not be the most outgoing person, but I do not like being alone. I usually try to find someone to call on my hour long commute home in the evenings, and when I go hiking, just so I don't feel so alone.
13. I become more outgoing as I become less insecure.
14. When I was a senior on my high school swim team, I was voted most inspirational. I carry that with me to this day, and consider it one of my greatest accomplishments.
15. My graduating 8th grade class had 13 people in it.
16. I will answer most very specific questions you ask me about myself, even if they are quite personal, but I rarely freely offer information like that.
17. Just to be contrary to what I just said, I used to have a really distorted perception of my body, and i was past my 22nd birthday before I really understood I'd never been clinically overweight.
18. I took a water aerobics class one term during college, and enjoyed it, but never honestly felt like it was a great workout!
19. I took a step aerobics class one term during college when I thought I was in good shape and it killed me for a couple weeks!!
20. I was 20 and a half before I gave blood for the first time, but have done it 11 (soon to be 12) times now, and I try to give at least 4 times per year. I now have pretty much no fear of needles.
21. The first time I gave blood, it took me 40 minutes to fill the bag. I had a bad phlebotomist and she kept adjusting the needle to increase the blood flow and ended up making me cry!
22. making me cry is usually quite hard to do. Although I pretty much lost it watching Marley & Me.
23. I love dogs. I grew up always having a family Labrador, and I adore them. Sometimes after a really stressful day at work, I stop by my parents house just to let their black lab lick my hand and cuddle with me.
24. I feel like my job is a lot like being one of the men in black. Tell me if you want to know why.
25. I have a LOT of love in my life, and even though I've been single every Valentine's Day I've been alive, I always make an effort to enjoy the day and celebrate all the people I love who love me back! It's an incredible feeling.
1. My Catholic faith is so responsible for the good parts of who I am. I have a rebellious spirit that wants to try everything and live my life for me and not give a damn about anything or anyone else, live life for having fun, for the next high...My love for God, which my parents instilled in me at a young age, has held me to the ground. Or, I should say, His love for me has held me to the ground. He puts his rules there for a reason, it's to protect us.
2. Although I am very protective of my younger brothers, I often think that I do not have an oldest-child personality (driven and accomplished).
3. A few years ago, I started really getting into college football. This year after college football season was over, I got bored and I'm starting to pay a little more attention to a few other sports...I have a feeling it's going to get worse from here, as now I occasionally listen to sports talk radio.
4. I am quite feminine and in no way feel like #3 compromises my femininity.
5. By choice, I am almost 25 and a virgin, and it will stay that way until the day I get married...and I resent the small town notion that I should be married by now. I have more fun than I think most people do!
6. My dad is the best person at calming me down when I get anxious. I think he gets it.
7. I went to college in Corvallis and haven't been able to move away. Ok, ok, I don't want to move away! I really think it's a great town.
8. When my dad's side of the family gets together, there are 55 people, and in May, 19 of those will be young children.
9. When my mom's side of the family gets together, there are 10 people, and the youngest is my brother Danny who is 19 years old.
10. Last night I went to mass at the Oregon State Newman Center, and sat by both my brothers and their girlfriends. I secretly thought we were pretty cool for all either being Vandecoeverings or highly connected to one.
11. My best friend is my cousin, and I agree with my old roommate Kelsey, being family doesn't disqualify you from being best friends!!
12. I may not be the most outgoing person, but I do not like being alone. I usually try to find someone to call on my hour long commute home in the evenings, and when I go hiking, just so I don't feel so alone.
13. I become more outgoing as I become less insecure.
14. When I was a senior on my high school swim team, I was voted most inspirational. I carry that with me to this day, and consider it one of my greatest accomplishments.
15. My graduating 8th grade class had 13 people in it.
16. I will answer most very specific questions you ask me about myself, even if they are quite personal, but I rarely freely offer information like that.
17. Just to be contrary to what I just said, I used to have a really distorted perception of my body, and i was past my 22nd birthday before I really understood I'd never been clinically overweight.
18. I took a water aerobics class one term during college, and enjoyed it, but never honestly felt like it was a great workout!
19. I took a step aerobics class one term during college when I thought I was in good shape and it killed me for a couple weeks!!
20. I was 20 and a half before I gave blood for the first time, but have done it 11 (soon to be 12) times now, and I try to give at least 4 times per year. I now have pretty much no fear of needles.
21. The first time I gave blood, it took me 40 minutes to fill the bag. I had a bad phlebotomist and she kept adjusting the needle to increase the blood flow and ended up making me cry!
22. making me cry is usually quite hard to do. Although I pretty much lost it watching Marley & Me.
23. I love dogs. I grew up always having a family Labrador, and I adore them. Sometimes after a really stressful day at work, I stop by my parents house just to let their black lab lick my hand and cuddle with me.
24. I feel like my job is a lot like being one of the men in black. Tell me if you want to know why.
25. I have a LOT of love in my life, and even though I've been single every Valentine's Day I've been alive, I always make an effort to enjoy the day and celebrate all the people I love who love me back! It's an incredible feeling.
January 16th, 2009
I'm starting to feel pretty bogged down by my job right now. I don't work that many hours (standard 40 hour week) but there was some heavy stuff this week. Normally I have pretty good boundaries and I'm all ready to forget it by the weekend. this week has sucked. i'm so ready for the weekend.